So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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