Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
