I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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