So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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