That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize