I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
