Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
