Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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