Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
