is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
