i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
