I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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