if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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