My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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