Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
