i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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