Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
