my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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