I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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