four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
