He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
