Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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