I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want nice things and good sex
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
