My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
