.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
