are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
