That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
