he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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