Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
