Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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