i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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