hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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