mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
