I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
