You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
