How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
