how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
