PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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