That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
