He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
