Cold hands, warm shart.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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