I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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