And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
