spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
