who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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