how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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