woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
