Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
