....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
