well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just pee around me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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