I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
