smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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