at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
