it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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