god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
