went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
