hotel room ftw
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize