Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
