I just saw a hot homeless man
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you never un-have a 4some
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
