the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
