happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
