She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize