You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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