I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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