he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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