they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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