it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
