If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
