At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
