Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
