he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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