I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Blood and glitter go together right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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