woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize