I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
