his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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