I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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