so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
