His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
