why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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