That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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