Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
