I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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