I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
