Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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