i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
