U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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