Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
