Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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