Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
