I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
