Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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