Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
