I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
